Here's a list of some of my favorite movies:

Margarita Happy Hour
Buffalo 66
The Velocity of Gary
Perfect Midnight

Here's a list of some of my favorite music:



Ben Harper, Modest Mouse, The Dead, String Cheese, Phish, Grisman and Garcia, Widespread, Yonder Mountain String Band, Nickel Creek, the list goes on!

Origanally I'm from Milwaukee, WI, but then I moved out to Nashotah, WI, and now I live in New Hampshire but just for a few more months. I will be spending the remaining two years of high school at Crested Butte Academy, in Crested Butte, CO.

	When I come to die, I do not want to discover that I have not lived because there was a point in my life while I was here, when I found myself curled up inside, dark and cold; and I realized what made me happy- my music. My passions were evident and life seemed to be so much more than it had been when I was just alive. Although I don't find myself being consciously grateful for everyday that I can breath, I do reflect back on those days, and in the moment, I find priceless, life itself. I remember the times when life was a burden, and it requested more than I could give, and each day that passed was closer to the feeling of relief that that was one more day finished of living. When I am in the present, there's nothing more clear to me than a simple solution, and that is to be happy. For whatever may seem to be the end is just a reminder that I always get another chance and life will be what I want and the attitude that I project. Someday my loved ones, whoever they are or may be, will die, and if I am still living at that point, this will be the best time to live, the best time to be happy and take advantage of what I have left. -Charlie Bessette

My name is Charles Frederick Bessette, and I was born in Milwaukee, Wisconsin on December 8, 1987. The first thing that I can think of is the fact that I was adopted, and that I was an only child. When I was 33 days old, Judith and Frederick Bessette, my adopted parents, adopted me as their son. By this point they were both 38 years old, and my father was a realastate lawyer at Northwestern Mutual Life, and at that time my mom was a consultent rasing money for a company called Growth Design Corporation. My real first home was living with them in an apartment in downtown Milwaukee for about 2 1/2 months. Although I don't remember this, I've seen pictures so it's familiar to me.

My first memory that I can think of is when I was 2 1/2 and I began preschool at a Monasory school called Downtown Monasory. I remember walking in every day with my mom, and then going right to play with all the other kids. I also remember playing outside in this enclosed playground. I did it every day and it was the peak of my childhood, in that I mean I was genuninly innocent as could be.

I remember a few struggels here, but nothing big. I went there for 1 1/2 years and then I started junior kindergarden at USM, University School of Milwaukee, a private K-12 college prepatory school. This is where things started to take shape, but not nessasrily in a good way, not bad either. Junior kindergarden was a time that I guess you could say I struggeld. Mainly it was getting along with other kids. I had a lot of energy and I chose to utilize it differently than other kids. This would mean acting out and sometime talking back to the teachers or just being disruptful.

In senior kindergarden, I changed class rooms, becasue of a few problems. One, I spit in the teachers face, and another I hit some kid. All I remember is that his name was David, and I gave him a bloody nose. Wow, that doesnt seem like something I would do, and I don't remember it at all. So after junior kindergarden, it was time for 1st grade. This is where things began to get worse. I started acting out more and my attention level started to deterate. In the middle of that year, I began to see a Phycologist, who I have seen up until I came to Shortridge, named Julie Sewart. My first grade teacher, Mrs. Larkin, told my mom that I was having trouble focusing and that I was disrupting class a lot. So my mom took me to see Julie, and ultimatly I was diagnosed with ADHD. I never knew what any of this was, not until I was older, but that year I began taking medication for my disorder; Rittelin. And this was the start of the neverending medications.

In 2nd grade, I cant remember much, and time to time I try to think of my second grade teachers name, and I still cant remember. So I'll skip that part.

In third grade, I began taking basic Math, English, Science, and all of that, but just basics. My attention span continued to pose a problem, and by this time I had not only a phycologogist, but now a phycatirst, who was in charge of my medication. I guess the two worked together to find the best fit for everything, but still I was way to young to understand what was going on.

Forth grade, everything became more apparent to me. By this time I understood that I had been adopted, and in my mind Judi and Fred were not my real parents. My medication still didnt make sense, but I figured that I was different from other kids. This is when I began to lie, and steal. Small things at first, but then it became bigger.

My forth grade teacher Ms. Rivera was a very strict person when it came to behavior. I found myself in trouble with disrupting class, and not doing homework, and struggeling with my classes.

That summer, when we still lived in the house in Milwaukee, not the apartment, a man came to repaint the walls in our house. By this time I was sneaking around going through my parents stuff, and came across a lot of money in my dads wallet. I had no idea what it was for, but I had a feeling that if I took it, he would never notice. So it did, and rode my bike to Office Max and bought bogus stuff. All I remember is that when I came back my dad and the man that was painting our house was talking with my dad. Later my parents told me that there was at least 200 dollars missing from his wallet, I dont remeber if thats the ammount but, they knew that I stole it. And I denied it, and denied it, until they saw all this stuff that I had. So I finally fessed up and said that I had stole it. It turned out that the money was to pay the man that painted our walls. They sat me down and told me how bad it made them look, when the man was done and was expecting his money, and they had to go to the bank the next day and get more so that he could get paid.

The therepy with Julie continued, and still I wondered why all of this was happening. The meds, the therepy, the feeling of being different. It was a hard thing for me to fully be able to grasp, but it would come up later.

Fifth grade was very tough for me. This is when school was begining to get more intense for my age, and it was now middle school. At USM middle school was right after forth grade. And by now I had some friends, but no one that I still see today. The kids that I usually hanged out with are the ones that lived on my block and around that area. Back then it was the cool thing to skate board, and right on Oakland Av. was Phase 2, a skate shop that was run by someone that I later met in rehap, while he was mentoring to those who were struggeling with what he been until later. So I got a skateboard for my graduation from forth grade, and began to hang out with slightly older kids. One of them lived right across from my house and the other lived a few neghborhoods away. Not really on the best part of Milwaukee. At this point I clearly knew what my adoption was and my meds, and how I felt different. I began smoking cigarettes with these kids who were in 7th or 8th grade. And prior and at this point I had a baby sitter, named Leya, who would watch me when I got home from school, and on the weekends. She was in College at this point going to UWM, University Wisconsin Milwaukee. She acually became part of our family for about 7 years, until we moved.

At the end of fifth grade, my parents and I sat down and talked about how we might move and build a house somewhere in the country. We finally did, partly becasue my parents weren't happy with USM any more becasue of the fact that they weren't doing there part as a school to help me with my struggels. I had also gotten suspened that year for completely destroying one of the bathrooms with another kid, that later got explled for making a bomb threat. Its funny now that I look at it. Becasue none of that is anything that I see myself doing today.

When we moved, we stayed on a cottage in Nashotah, that was right on the lake. This was only for the time that it took for our new house to be built.

Something that also became very apparent was my dads drinking. I never really understood that until that point, and I ignored it as much as I could, not wanting to believe what it could become.

When we moved out here, I had to make all new friends. And this is the year that was the biggest change in my life to before I came to Shortridge. I finally woke up in the sense that I began to worry about what I looked like, how I talked, the music I listen too. I began to think more about girls, and the thought of sex. I was begining to understand what I hadn't before. Over that summer. I started hanging out at this place called Skate World. This is where I would meet the people that helped ruin my life. First I would go to meet people, especially girls, as trashy as it seems now, but then I began just hanging out and bumming cigarettes off of high school drops outs, outside. Then I began to buy cigarettes, usually stealing money from my parents. Eventually I met a few kids that liked to smoke pot, so I tried it, and the first time was a horrible experience, I wasn't all giggly like some freak, but I felt like I had had been awake for 8 days, I was really tired and I felt sick, and it wasn't pleasant. But these guys assured me it would feel better soon. And it did. Shortly after that few hours, I was baked sensless. And I was like, dude, this is awesome. So I kept in contact with those guys, and continued to buy pot from them.

6th grade came and I enrolled in another private school, which graduating senior class is about 12 kids. Small but good school. It was called University Lake School. The good thing was it was only 5 minutes from where we lived. So my parents were about to drive me to and from school. Sometimes I rode my bike.

My father continued his work at NML, but my mother had changed jobs numerous times, finally becoming a fundraiser for Rogers Memorial Hospital. A mental health hospital, that serves all ages with phyceatric and behavioral health problems. She loved this job so much she ended up working for it for 4 1/2 years, and is working now part time today.

My drug use became more of a habit to hide from the issues of my dads drinking, the feeling of being different and an only child, feeling alone all the time, and just ultimatlye sad. I dont ever think there was a time when I wasnt lying to my parents.

School was fine, as usaully I was disruptful in class, my detentions added very fast and failing to turn in homeworkd and pass on most of my classes tests. But I didnt give up. As far as my meds, I had started on Rittenlin in first grade, Dexidrine in 3rd grade, Risperadol and Clondine, and Floxitine in 5th grade, Concerta in 6th grade, and Inderal in 8th grade. So as far as meds I wasnt perticualy happy with all the choas that it created. It was big for me at USM when they would call me from class to the nurses office for meds. All the kids around me weren't going for meds so I stood out, but I never ever talked about it.

7th grade I was continuing to hang out with my drug buddies, now becomeing a pot head. Always talking about getting high, watching movies that invloved drugs, always being fascinated with anything that seemed drug related.

8th grade our family decided to leave ULS and try out public middle school. I was excited about this becasue I was convinced that it would be easier, as far as homework not being as demanding, and looser on detentions, and just laid back.

By this time I was smoking pot on a regular basis, and I didn't have a car but I made friends that could both deal me drugs and drive me where I needed to go. I made a habit of stealing money from my parents just about every day. My mom would notice but I would always denie it.

Something very big that happened, was one afternoon while at our new house which we had already moved into by this point. My friend Mark was over and he didnt really smoke but I called up a friend to bring over some pot, so that we could get high. I told my dad that Mark and I were going to go for a walk, and it didnt add up for my dad. So he said no you can't go. And when my friend showed up my dad was standing oustide so he just took off. This guy was like 24 so it would have been really weird for him to come up to my house asking where I was. Then everything came out. For once I said ok I was goning to buy some pot. I said theres no point in stopping it, when its just going to happen. And my dad got all pissed off, and I to make it short, I said Dad, the day that you completly stop drinking, is the day I will completly stop doing drugs, and then I said dont count on it becasue you never going to stop drinking. He told me ok, it's done I'll stop, and he said the exact word "I promise". And I thought for a second, my dad is the most honest person I have ever met, so I said to myself maybe he's serious. That week he didn't drink anything, that week I didn't get high, but soon, he began drinking again, and he said "Oh well I'll only have a glass of wine at dinner". All my dad would usually drink is gin. So that was better, but still I was pissed, becasue he broke his promise to me. So I just continued to do drugs, he knew I wouldnt last, and I knew he wouldn't last. It never got talked about again. That summer, one night while I was busy trying to buy more pot, I was talking to my guy and had this wonderful idea, I've know my moms atm number for just about my whole life, she would always let met punch it in for her when I was little, and I never though of the idea. So I told him to pick me up so we could go get some cash. Surley enoguh it worked, and I took out 200 dollars just about every day for the next week, spending around 2000 dollars on pot, cigarettes, and pipes. When my mom micked me up from a friends house, everything was fine, until her phone rang, and that mintue I had a really bad feeling it was going to be the bank. Surley enoguh it was my dad asking if my mom had taken out 2000 dollars in the last week, and imediatly she turned to me and asked if I had did it, and then there was dead silence for about a minute, and then I sad yes I did, and started crying. They eventually asked what I had used the money for and at first I told them that I owed people money, but they knew I was using it to buy drugs. They told me that the bank insited that they press charges, but my parents said that wasnt nessasry. I eventually told them that I used it to buy drugs, and all that other stuff. They said that the only way I could pay them back was to work out in the yard, at 5 dollars an hour. I agreed, but it never happened. I guess they just decided not for me to. But that summer is when I was told that I was going to a wilderness program insted of backpacking in Alaska for 2 weeks. I was pretty upset about Alaska, but I had no idea what a wilderness program was. They didnt even expalain it that way, they just said we need some time apart to think things over. So I went backpacking in Minnasota, and canoeing in the Boundery Waters, 2 weeks on each. Acaully I was pretty phsyed about this trip.

As far as the wilderness program, it turned out to be a very challanging experience, and there were deffinatly hard parts, as far as getting along with other people, and sharing, all of the things that I need work on. And the graduation part was the most intense part, becasue I hadnt physically seen or talked to my parents for 6 weeks. This was the longest that I had ever not talked to my parents. So when we got back to Superior Shores, the resort we were staying at, they told us that our parents were all waiting in the conferance room for us, and I was really excited and really scared at the same time. When they opened the door my dad was crying hysterically, and acually I think my mom had only a few tears. I had never seen my dad cry before then, it was so weird for me, and I didn't know what to do or say, but when everyone got it together, we all talked about our experience, shared pictures, and then had seperate parent and child meetings to discuss and resolve issues. It went fairly well, and we worked things out. But the next part was sad. A kid that was on our trips dad commited suicide while he was on the trip, and when he found out it was really sad, and they evact him, but we saw him back at graduation. The last night I hung out with Bill, while he sat at the bar getting drunk, and then he bought me a beer, and cigarettes, and we went and chilled in the hot tub and talked. I asked him how he was doing with all of that, and if he wanted to talk about it, but he said hed rather not. So then we went upstairs to his room and watched Fast Times At Ridgemont High, and he past out, his mom had already been past out from drinking, and I just tunred off the T.V. and left a note with all my info on it. And left. It was sad that thats how things ended after something that was suppose to help me get back on track.

That summer I came back home and continued to get back into drugs. This time I was at a public high school, with 2100 students, and if anything now my situation was worse. I continued lying to my parents, and stealing there money. I started drinking, and doing other drugs. I experimented with LSD and other hallucionigans, and began to spend my money on cocaine whenever I had enough or whenever it was around. I had always told myself I would never touch that stuff, but I just didn't care, and everyone around me was doing it so I decided to try it. I really didn't like the feeling cocaine gave me, its not that I didnt like it, it just was boring, and expensive for 20 mintues of nothing. I just liked busting lines with friends, you know. I liked the image the most I guess, you know, being able to say that I did cocaine, would make me cool, or hardcore, or something patheitc like that.

Something that I skipped was when my mom told me that she was sick, she had been diagnosed with diabetes a few years before, and it only became worse, and she told me that she had to get surgery to help make things better. She acually told me on the way home from something, I can't remember what, but it was very scary, and I freaked out. She actually got the surgery while I was at Soltreks. It went better than good, and since that she has no more diabetes and has lost over a hundred pounds. She is so much healthier now and it makes me feel good that she feels good about herself.

Well after all that, right after about 3 months of high school, and coming home drunk and high every night, money missing, alcohol missing, my parents schedualed a meeting with my phycologist, Julie. The day that we went there it was a normal day, and we were just going to talk about stuff as a family I guess, at least thats what my parents told me. But it turned out that I was going to leave home the next day for Texas to do a refresher at wilderness, and then spend the next 18 months at an emotional growth boarding school. I was pissed as usually, but deep down inside I knew this is what I had been waiting for, is help. I couldnt help myself, and I couldn't ask for help. It was sad, and the last night home, I stole another hundred dollars from my mom, and bought more pot, invited my friend over and got high. Sad stuff man.

The refresser was nothing at all, I didn't really learn anything, other than when my counselor read a small book call the Perfect Present. All from there is what I've done now. I hope this better helps you undestand my struggels. Notice that I didnt talk about any positive things that happened. Well all the positive things that I've done honestly with true intentions all happened at Shortridge, which I am thankful for every day.